Regrets & Being Real

One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I had a place to keep our lives updated. To share our goings-on both good and bad. It doesn't seem right to only share pretty pictures and all the good things happening because peppered into the good are the bads. They're there, they're gross, but we all have them and we all deal with them. I figured if my bads help another get through their day, then it's worth it to overshare a little bit. So here's my attempt at being honest and updating about our lives goods + bads.

Life has been tough lately. Well, more tough than it usually is because let's be real, being a mom of three little girls isn't exactly a walk in the park. But lately, I just can't shake the feelings of regret. I think about my life and all I've accomplished and it seems very slim when laid out on paper. When I was little I thought that when I got older I'd travel and be an amazing artist. I had such big dreams for myself. But as an adult, besides getting married and having children I haven't exactly done anything that's noteworthy.

Life Lately • December

I figured it was about time to share some phone images from December. Yeah, I know the month and year is over, go easy on me I have a thousand kids. December has always been my favorite month. The Christmas season is in full swing and there are so many family oriented activities that surround the holidays. I won't lie, ever since my 17th birthday, Christmas just hasn't been the same. As an adult, this season can be one of the most painful times of the year. I can't get through making Christmas dinner or wrapping a hundred gifts without thinking at least twice of throwing myself from one of our second story windows. The holiday season drives me nuts but I still love it all the same. Masochist? Definitely. I get joy from my children during these seasons. Christmas may not be magical anymore and I may not have received a good present since middle school, but the excitement on my girl's faces makes it magical all over again. Although I could live without the mom can I have a Christmas cookie? 434567 times a day.

Poppy Esther • Four Months

December twelfth has come and gone and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Poppy is already four months old. It seems with every little baby that I have they grow up faster; the time just escapes right out of my hands. Having two girls who have been walking and talking for a while made me forget all about the adorable baby stages.

Poppy is going through so many changes lately. She's now learning to express her happiness and is trying to smile and laugh more often when she’s awake. She goes into a huge giggle fit whenever I nibble her toes or tickle her ribs. Whenever I walk into a room her face lights up in a huge smile when she sees or hears me. One of my favorite moments is right after she’s woken up from her nap. She wakes up with a huge smile and I love kissing and cuddling her little warm cheeks. These moments are always a reminder of how much I love being a mom. She is just now outgrowing her newborn clothes and fitting into size 3 months. I love having all the tiny shirts and pants filling up my laundry basket again. Everything is always cuter when it's miniature. 

Stepping Back

Just like any other person I’ve found that the push and pull of social media can really weigh on my heart. I’ve always felt a strong love/hate relationship with it. I love being able to get inspired and keep up to date with others but at times it seems the need to constantly provide fresh content, reply, and comment can be a full-time job on its own. The hardest part I find is that I don’t know how to take a break from it. A few weeks ago when the girls started school I felt God tell me that after they hopped on the bus that I was to spend the rest of my mornings with him. I’ve been learning that it’s crucial every day to start my mornings with God; it’s like taking a shower for my spiritual life. I get to start the rest of my day feeling refreshed knowing that I set time aside to strengthen my relationship with God and that I'm prepared mentally and physically for whatever life throws my way.

Poppy Esther • Birth Story

Back in the beginning of August when we were told that I was going to be induced, I knew right away that I wanted to document the process of Poppy's birth from the very beginning. I knew that the whole experience was going to fly right by and I didn’t want to forget anything. I wanted to remember every little thing that happened and every little emotion that I felt during her birth. So when we arrived at the hospital and I was comfortably seated in the hospital bed, I pulled out my journal along with a pen, and I started to write. I wrote down all that was going on and how I felt. I figured what better way to share Poppy’s birth than from the very words I wrote during my stay in the hospital? Below is a word for word copy from the pages of my journal during Poppy’s birth as well as images from our time in the hospital and during our first few days at home.